How the Birth Control Pill Affects Your Level of Attractiveness to Your Partner

Research shows you should never pick your mate while under the influence of oral contraceptives.

When it comes to the skyrocketing divorce rate, people talk a lot about what you need to do to prevent an affair or the spiritual failings that lead to a breakdown of the marriage (at least in Christian circles). Very few people talk about underlying issues that could make it extremely difficult, even under the best circumstances, to remain attracted to your spouse.

While society is trying to make strong men with high testosterone levels disappear and is marketing biological women “identifying as male” as ideal partners for other biological women, nobody is acknowledging the science that shows biological men with higher levels of testosterone are more preferred by women not influenced by birth control when it comes to compatibility—nor do they acknowledge the fact that attractiveness and compatibility change entirely when a woman suddenly gets off the pill.

Birth control influences your propensity to choose a certain type of mate and heavily influences your attractiveness to that person, which is why you should not select a potential spouse while under the influence of oral contraceptives.

This is not a new concept. Before becoming a lawyer or a journalist, I worked with women married to NFL athletes who were trying to become pregnant. We discussed ad nauseam how birth control influences attractiveness and fertility. (As a mother of daughters who wants to make sure her girls choose the right mate, this is also something I’m keenly aware of.)

Birth control disrupts ‘disassortative mate preferences’

One of the biggest reasons a woman may lose attractiveness towards her partner (contributing to the breakdown of a relationship) is because the birth control pill disrupts disassortative mate preferences.

Women not on birth control choose men with high testosterone levels and a different "major histocompatibility complex." The belief is that doing so produces offspring with the strongest immune systems. (Same with animals.) However, studies show women on birth control select random partners or men with similar MHCs as their own.

When women get off the pill, their preferences, unbeknownst to them, change. Their preferences revert to those shared by women who do not use oral contraceptives. In other words, they suddenly prefer men with higher testosterone and those with a different MHC. This is something that, even on your best day, you cannot control.